I suffer from a rare disorder.  Sympathetic Vertigo.  Quite often it is misdiagnosed and thought to stem from an excessively nervous nature or an extended maternal instinct.  Sometimes it is even ascribed to personality disorders, such as Chronic Compulsive Buddinski's Complex.

I have no balance.  A friendly sounding of my name behind me and the subsequent turning of my head in the direction of the call, will cause immediate dizziness and loss of direction, often resulting in my falling headlong over a curbing.  I don't know about you, but headlong is one of my least favorite ways to fall.

I prefer to walk with a wall directly to my right or left, where a steadying and guiding hand can be run along the structure as a reassuring guide for my errant feet.  I caution companions not to walk to my left as they will inevitably be used as bumper guards when I start to drift.  I have a fear of heights as well, not a fear of being at heights, a fear of falling from heights.  One of my earliest memories is that of standing at the top of the stairs and upon looking down, falling the entire length of the staircase.  It could be the spotty memory of a child but it seems to me this happened more than once.  I must not have been a bright child. Possibly I suffered a closed head injury and believe me, that would explain a lot of things.

Over the years I have flown down many a flight of stairs and over a few porch railings.  I have learned never to trust my feet to land where I sent them and to be acutely aware of my body's attempts to hurl itself over the nearest precipice.  But this is my imbalance.

Most people I know are perfectly capable of running down a flight of stairs, or even walking through a store without major injury or damage to property.  So why is it that I can't trust them either?  

Sympathetic Vertigo.  

I can't look when people stand at the edge of railings and peer over three floors to the lobby.  I turn my head when I see someone standing with their back to the top of a staircase.  I won't go to the circus or even watch it on television.  The fact that it is video-taped does not mean you will be spared the sight of the untimely and ungraceful death of a formerly high, high-wire acrobat. Sorry, been there, watched that.

It's a lack of faith in equilibrium and a healthy fear of gravity.  Other people seem to lack what appears to me to be a huge self-preservation instinct:  try not to fall.  Don't jump off cliffs or bridges on purpose, even if you have a long elastic tied to your ankles.  Don't go very high on amusement park rides that were put up in a day and will be removed 5 days hence to be set up elsewhere.  Don't lean over canyons, don't stand with your back to a precipice.  Try not to fall.

I guess it is just my natural concern for my fellow human beings that drives me.  There seem to large numbers of the population that ignore this very basic survival strategy: try not to fall. Skydivers are a group who are particularly afflicted with a basic lack of fear.  For these and others I step into the gap left as a result of a devious side-stepping of the process of  natural selection; their ancestors apparently not having fallen until after having reproduced.

My doctor has suggested there is medication that would lessen the effects of Sympathetic Vertigo and if the truth be told, I could use the rest and peace it might afford.  But I cannot take that selfish step.  There is a world of people out there, teetering on the brink.  Someone has to warn them.